Oh, it is ON, Francis Kurkdjian. It is on like Donkey Kong.
Persolaise has just posted an… interesting interview with Mr. Kurkdjian, and I now feel obligated to defend the honor of perfumistas everywhere. Do not think that I will go easy on you because you are a gorgeous Armenian man, Mr. Kurkdjian. Let the record show that I am wholly immune to your soulful brown eyes and sharply tailored pinstripes.
Mr. KurkdjIan begins by positing that Guerlain L’Heure Bleue smells like “burnt latex”. Burnt latex? What kind of tasty-ass burnt latex have you been smelling, Mr. Kurkdjian? How do you even know what burnt latex smells like?
Mr. Kurkdjian then tells us why he hates perfumistas: “What I hate about perfumistas now is that they try to force everybody to do things in the same way, to love the same way… You can’t say that you have to like Shalimar or Mitsouko or L’Heure Bleue.” This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a straw man argument. A straw man argument, as per Wikipedia, is “based on misrepresentation of an opponent’s position”. Please find me these mythical perfumistas who try to force all the unworthy L’Heure Bleue-haters to convert to Guerlainism or forever be banished from Asgard. Let me give you a hint, Mr. Kurkdjian: that doesn’t actually happen. That’s not a thing. I have never, ever seen a perfumista be dismissed for sharing a differing opinion over a perfume. What is this, Charlie the Unicorn? “Shun the non-believers! Shuuuuuuun!”
The perfumista community is one of the most tolerant and friendly spots on the internet. Seriously, bloggers on practically every other subject receive daily death threat emails for endorsing Apple over Windows or Special K over General Mills. The most serious threat I have ever received in two years of perfume blogging was from a mildly aggravated lady who told me that I had lost all credibility by favoring Beyoncé over Whitney Houston (may her memory be a blessing).
Mr. Kurkdjian goes on to turn up his nose at perfume critics. He states, “There are no best [perfume critics]. They’re so boring. And the reason they’re so boring is that, to prove their legitimacy, they try to drop ingredient names, chemical names, just to prove to their readers that they have the know-how.” Dude, only like four of us do that. I can literally name them all right now: Luca Turin, Chandler Burr, Octavian Coifan, Denyse Beaulieu. The rest of us say over and over that we have no scientific qualifications whatsoever and could not be less interested in “chemical names”. Please refer to Robin’s “about me” section on Now Smell This, the biggest perfume blog around, which states, “If you are wondering what qualifications I have for writing this blog, the answer is simple: none. I just like perfume.” What now, Mr. Kurkdjian? What now?
By the way, everyone, please note that our monthly forced Guerlainism conversions have been rescheduled for next Tuesday. Don’t forget your pitchforks!