Gucci Guilty

Sometimes they make it just too easy for me. Yes, your Honor, we find the defendant guilty- guilty of releasing yet another utterly soulless fragrance. Gucci Guilty is at least pleasant, a pretty, ambery little thing, but it is virtually indistinguishable from the hundreds of perfumes that smell just like it. In this context, the name actually makes sense: the completely inoffensive Guilty would be perfect for the kind of woman who is constantly wracked with guilt over some imagined offense. There literally could not be a wider disconnect between the sexed-up Evan Rachel Wood ads and the scent itself.

Furthermore, your Honor, I would like to go on record as saying that Evan Rachel Wood is one of my least favorite actresses of all time.


Thirteen, Evan Rachel Wood’s debut film, is the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life. ERW plays the innocent young blonde who, upon being CORRUPTED AND TAINTED by the whorish ways of her brown best friend, becomes LIKE OMG SO TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL LOL. We are supposed to infer this from the fact that ERW is hooking up with girls and- clutch your children closer- black guys. Yeah. Wikipedia tells me that the script was written in 6 days by a 15 year old, which literally could not surprise me less. Also, although not quite as bad as Thirteen, I have yet to encounter a movie as annoying as Across The Universe. It was, like, so meaningful, man, because, like, all you really need is love, you know?

Let’s, like, have a jam session, man.

8 thoughts on “Gucci Guilty

  1. ERW can’t act, but she’s pretty even though she’s kind of on my shit-list for suddenly trying to pull a Tom Ripley on Dita von Teese. Her man, her looks, her style except, yanno, Dita did it better.

    Yeah, and I kind of dressed as her character from True Blood. Oh well. Lol.

    1. Oh, ERW totally sweats Dita. But frankly, I’m glad that Dita was able to find out that he was the kind of man who would date a woman 20 years younger than him sooner rather than later.

  2. I don’t understand why all the new releases are SO SWEET. I *like* sweet perfumes but this is over the top. I’ve only smelled Guilty once but it reminded me of some specific kind of cheap candy — will need to retest to figure out which one.

    1. I suspect it has something to do with the ridiculous value that we place on youth these days. Nobody wants to “smell like a grandma”, so instead we get perfumes that smell like they were meant for little girls. And that’s nothing compared to the lengths that people will go to prevent actually looking old. I didn’t notice that this one smelled particularly cheap, but I certainly wouldn’t call it sophisticated, either.

      1. I think it was just the fruity top note: “mandarin,” but with so much sugar it came off like Sweet Tarts or something. The base might be decent. I smelled it on paper then tossed the strip.

  3. Well, I love the movie The Wrestler, which was the first thing I’d ever seen ERW in; then in True Blood, which I LOVE. That kinda limits my knowledge related to her. And the perfume? Eh. It’s another one that I haven’t felt inspired to sniff.

    I tell you what though, a new department-store-shelf-space-taker-upper that was really good would make me really happy. Just on principle.

    1. I’ve never seen True Blood, but it seems to get a lot of love. And I join you in pining for a great fragrance that can be found for below $200. But I guess there’s not much incentive for companies to make something like that, if shallow, boring perfumes sell just fine.

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