Oh, thank God you’re here. Get over here right now.
This photographer is INSANE. First he makes me pose with a lion. A LION, y’all. When I mentioned being slightly concerned about the whole POSING WITH A LION thing, he assured me that the lion could not possibly eat me because he was “on a juice fast”. Does this lion look like he is on a juice fast to you? YOU WILL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN IF YOU EAT ME, LION.
So then I tried to offer the lion this humongous bottle of Bvlgari Mon Jasmin Noir. You know, for his juice fast. I was hoping it would be a tempting alternative to the taste of human flesh. But he didn’t go for it, and I can’t say I blame him. Mon Jasmin Noir is just another clean, fruity modern jasmine, a little too fruity and much too clean. It’s quite loud at first, but the lasting power isn’t impressive. If this one sells, it will be for the bottle.
Look, I don’t care what you thought of “Marie Antoinette”. No one deserves to die this way. Please go get help.