The Perfume Blogger Commandments

lolcat bible book

1) Thou shalt not sell out. This does NOT mean that thou mayest not accept free samples or special offers from perfume companies. It means that thou must only write honest perfume reviews. Thou must not praise a mediocre perfume in exchange for kickbacks, or thou shalt lose thy credibility and thy readers.

2) Thou shalt not steal another perfume blogger’s content. In addition to proving to everyone that thou art a sorry excuse for a blogger who is unable to come up with their own content, thou mayest also suffer the wrath of a DMCA complaint.

3)Β Thou shalt not commit perfume snobbery. Remember that our Lord Jacques Guerlain created all perfumes in His image. Let these elitist phrases never pass thy lips: “It’s only worthwhile in the vintage” or “I don’t do mainstream/celebrity perfumes/anything that was not handcrafted by virginal Hungarian nuns on the eighteenth Wednesday of the year”. For verily, once you have uttered such sacrilege, Kate Walsh shall release a perfectly good celebrity perfume, and thou shalt look very silly.

4) Thou shalt cherish thy readers. The internet is as vast as the desert through which the Israelites wandered for 40 years. If thou art not welcoming and respectful towards thy readers, there are 10 other perfumes blogs that will be. Condescend to thy readers, and thy comment section shalt be as barren as Sarah’s womb.

5) Thou shalt not hold giveaways that thou canst not fulfill. Because that is the worst.

6) Thou shalt own a cat. This one is pretty important. Pugs and frugs are also acceptable.

7) Honour thy elders. The original perfume bloggers- Now Smell This, Perfume Posse, Bois de Jasmin, Perfume Smellin’ Things, The Non-Blonde, and Perfume Shrine- have been in the game since 2005. They remain popular for a very simple reason: we like them. Until thou hast proven otherwise, thou art naught but a flash in the pan. It is unwise and ungracious to speak ill of more established perfume bloggers. Show the appropriate respect for their achievements and try to learn from their successes.

8 ) Thou shalt not contribute to perfume blogger drama.Β Thou shalt not trash-talk another perfume blogger, for this reflects more poorly on you than on them.Β Thou shalt not put anything rude in writing, as it can and will be produced by the other party.

9) Thou shalt remember the little people. Even the most successful perfume blogs were once tiny Blogspot orLiveJournal sites read only by the blogger’s mother. When a less established perfume blog asks you for advice or help, help them in whatever way you can. Even the smallest kindness will be greatly appreciated or remembered; a snub will also be remembered. On the flip side, up-and-coming perfume bloggers shalt not put other perfume bloggers in an awkward position by begging for publicity or free samples.

10) Thou shalt blog for the right reasons. The odds that you will be able to make a large amount of money from perfume blogging are virtually nonexistent. There is not a single perfume blogger whose blog is their sole source of income. The best possible outcome of having a perfume blog is that you will be able to have enjoyable, rewarding discussions about perfume with other people who also love perfume. If you are expecting anything else out of perfume blogging, you are in the wrong business.

Have I missed anything? Please feel free to add your own perfume blogger commandments in the comments!

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34 thoughts on “The Perfume Blogger Commandments

  1. I don’t think you’ve missed anything! And you have done a good job of sounding authoritative, because I find myself a little frightened, and reviewing my past behavior in a paranoid manner, like I always do when I see a police officer driving next to me on the road.

    You have also reminded me that I *still* haven’t heard from the winner of one of my giveaways, and I probably should do a re-drawing. Oops. How many hail marys do I have to say for that? πŸ™‚

    1. Oh, thank you very much! I’m sure that I would not be quite so authoritative in the face of a police officer pulling me over, lol. I’m sorry about your giveaway winner! Have you let her know that you will have to do a redraw because she hasn’t answered?

  2. 11. Just because a perfume blog is about olfactory issues, does not mean it should be ugly. Make thy blog attractive and well-structured.

  3. And:

    12. Unless thou strivest to be gender specific, do not forget to review ‘all’ perfumes. Yes, that means masculines as well. I know…bla bla bla gender neutral. Beauty knows no gender bla bla bla. Some of us Les Dudes are interested…

    1. I don’t fulfill this commandment nearly as much as I ought to! But I do plan to review the bottle of Ava Luxe Cafe Noir that I just gave my boyfriend, so hopefully that counts?

  4. That was hysterical Ari!! “thy comment section shalt be as barren as Sarah’s womb” is my favorite line πŸ™‚ You are an awesome writer and I’m so glad to be a reader and a friend ❀

    1. It is a joy and a privilege to have you as both! Although if I took that metaphor to its conclusion, one would actually have a very bountiful comment section after 100 years!

  5. Excellent (and amusing as usual). You have identified exactly why you are one of the perfume blogs I always read since I happened upon you.

    Re 3: I love vintage scents (possibly because they suit my actual vintage and soemtimes for the thrill of the thrift store find), but Kate Walsh’s Boyfriend is getting a very serious test run. I don’t care what the name on the bottle is (with the exception of Justin Beiber — a cradle is a cradle, after all), only what the juice smells like and how it wears on me, and really appreciate bloggers who feel the same.

    Re 4: Sometimes I’d rather be condescended to than see no response at all by the blogger to any of the comments by readers. I think it is generous, hard work to answer every comment and not necessary, especially as readers begin to hold a conversation among themselves, but to never respond (even to a direct and respectful, intelligent question) as happens on some spaces is offputting.

    I hope that you continue to get pleasure out of perfume blogging for a long time to come, because I, greedily, wish to get the joy of reading you (and seeing pics of Zelda and LOL cats too).

    1. Ha! Well, I guess now I have to respond to this! πŸ™‚
      I also think that it’s important to have conversations on a perfume blog, not just use it for one-sided posts. There are certain blogs (I won’t name names, but I will mention that one in particular doesn’t even HAVE a comment section) where I read posts and feel like I’m being lectured by a professor. I don’t have the credentials to lecture anyone, and I don’t think I’d enjoy it much. I am so happy that you want to keep reading this blog- and never fear, I have a truly pathetic number of Zelda pictures saved up.

  6. Not only I disagree with #6 as a blogger I’m completely opposed to that as a reader! I have much more blogo-friends than time to read and participate in meaningful discussions. So please-please-please be realistic – take into the account the number of readers you have.

    Everything else – I agree. I enjoyed reading it (though there might have been more cats pictures… just saying πŸ˜‰ ).

        1. Well you know, when a blog has no more than three comments per post, and the host systematically ignores his/hers valliant visitors, you get the impression that you (the reader) are not part of a dialogue, but are the faceless audience of some kind of monologue.
          The character on stage should make sure to have quite a strong voice and thrilling plot to pull off a 360 days per year monologue.

          If you think of it, what do bloggers offer more than the printed press?
          Not the expertise, which is in most case amateurish, not the layout, which is often messy – they offer the possibility to interact with someone expressing a (hopefully) unbiased opinion.

          In real life, if someone drops by to say hello, I am polite and “hello” back.
          I don’t see how virtual life should be any different, unless you have 120 visitors dropping by to say hello – then I suppose you’re authorised to answer with a general, all-comprising, hello to all.

          I know only one perfume blog with 120 comments per days (without giveaways) and -surprise- the mistress answers each and everyone of them.

        2. The biggest benefit that I think bloggers offer over the printed press is that (with the exception of “Perfumes: the Guide”, only positive reviews of perfume are published in print. It is always very nice to see bloggers who make a point of responding to all comments. I try to keep in mind, though, that as a college student I have a lot more free time on my hands to respond to comments than someone working a full-time job.

        3. I hope it wasn’t directed at me: as a blogger I always answer all my commenters – all three (or five) of them! πŸ™‚

          Just to clarify: when I wrote about taking into the account the number of readers, I meant that those blogs that have dozens of readers can post daily – there will be somebody to comment, and I won’t feel bad if all for what I have time is just to read the post. But if a smaller blog that I read posts something I always feel bad if I don’t have time to comment (but I always read!). That’s why I was pleading with blog writers to consider their readers while deciding how often to post πŸ™‚

  7. πŸ™‚ I find that so many of us have cats or smooshed face dogs. It’s like loving perfume is a syndrome or something.
    Love the commandments. I just feel that Charlton Heston should present them πŸ™‚

    1. When I am done with finals, I fully intend to change the article’s accompanying picture to a photoshopped Charlton Heston carrying two perfume bottles. When “I Smell Therefore I Am”‘s Abigail posts pictures of her pugs, I have to severely restrain myself from adopting THE ENTIRE WORLD POPULATION of pugs! They are soooooo cute! But I think that cats are better suited than dogs for my current (pathetically sedentary) level of physical activity. I would not be able to take a dog on several walks every day.

  8. I don’t know if this will make sense, coming out of nowhere. But I have had my comment functions shut down on my blog for quite some time, a decision born out of being ill & tired. Reading what you wrote here made me ask myself, “Do I really want to be that person?” And I don’t. Even if I am. So thank you, from my heart, for whatever it is worth.

    1. Meg, I truly hope that this post did not make you feel like you were doing something wrong in any way. No one would ever expect you to post at all, much less field comments, when you are ill and tired. I hope that you are feeling better now. But I am truly thrilled to hear that you are reopening your comment section, because I love Parfumieren!!! I binged on every last review a few months ago. You have a great, fun blog.

    2. Meg, I first started reading your perfume blog a couple of months before you closed commenting and have continued to read it regularly ever since. I assumed when commenting was disabled it was because you didn’t feel you had the energy to engage in that way, as you had already advised that you were leaving Facebook in order to better manage. I think it is much politer to turn off the commenting function as you have done than to appear to invite responses and then almost never reply for whatever reasons may be involved. You are not “that person”.

      I will be reading your blog as long as you choose to keep writing it, because I like your writing and I’m interested in your opinions.

  9. Oh, I did just think of something. Sometimes when I am on the road I only catch up with reading my favourite blogs in chunks, which means I may be leaving comments several days after the post was published. So it would be good if bloggers could acknowledge comments made within the last week, say. I can’t think of any specific offendors, and if I could I shouldn’t name them anyway as that would be breaking one of your commandments, hehe!

    And I do worry about my own blog being a bit of a travel monologue, so that is maybe something for me to look at. I think it is shyness which has made me not invite comments in an overtly interactive form, but I am always ridiculously pleased when people do comment!

    1. DOES EVERYBODY SEE THIS??? COMMENT ON BONKERS ABOUT PERFUME BECAUSE VANESSA IS SHY BUT SHE LOVES US

      I receive notifications when someone comments on a post, no matter how far back it was, so I always try to respond to those comments too!

    2. Vanessa, I also receive email notifications when a comment is posted (even months afterward) and I do try and respond to each of them (although sometimes life gets in the way so it taked more time than usual). πŸ™‚

    3. Vanessa, I always see all the comments – no matter how old the post is, – and I will respond. So feel free to comment on any post – be it the most recent one or the first one in the blog πŸ™‚

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