Diary of a Mad Perfume Blogger

A tender moment between a cat and her green bean.

Friday, January 20th: My beloved friend K, who is thinking about moving into my apartment when my current housemate moves out, comes over to determine whether she is allergic to the kitteh. To my amazement, Zelda conducts herself very nicely, with almost minimal biting. K and I enjoy some TOTALLY NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES and watch Beverly’s criminally unjust elimination from Top Chef.

After a few hours of playing the green bean game with Zelda (the green bean game consists of throwing a green bean to Zelda and then watching her joyfully dissect it), it is determined that K is not particularly allergic to her. To celebrate the happy results of our incredibly scientifically rigorous experiment, we head out to the local pub.

Before we leave, I spray on way too much Prada Candy. I figure that it’s sweet and fun enough for a night out, but not so sexy that it implies I’m on the prowl. The pub has incredible fries, which are promptly commandeered by the men sitting next to us. Baltimore is a very friendly town, but I do sometimes wish that they would let me finish my fries for once.

The fry drama is eventually settled, mostly because there are no longer any more fries. We bid a not-entirely-regretful goodbye to the fry thieves and head out into the very first snowfall of the winter. We shriek at the snowflakes collecting in our hair, but I am secretly delighted. Baltimore always looks so beautiful in the snow. Everything is quiet and serene, except for our resident hobo Crazy Mike, who is loudly insisting that he killed my sister. I would probably be more concerned if I had a sister.

Saturday, January 21st: I wake up with a ruthless headache and several unusual items in my purse. These include a pair of sunglasses which do not belong to me, an Edgar Allen Poe coaster, and a phone number written in very messy Arabic. I have no idea what to do with the sunglasses, but the headache is easily vanquished with the help of a Satsumo Santa Lush bath bomb. Even more fun than the bath bomb itself is watching poor Zelda’s bewildered reaction to the pink water and the gleefully fizzy Santa.

Zelda watches cautiously from the shore.

For those of you who are just joining us, Zelda is closer to a jaguar than an average house cat. She is a savage, violent creature. Until recently, the bath tub was my last safe place. Not anymore. Now she can swim. But today Satsumo Santa and I reclaimed the bath tub, if only for a few tranquil minutes. Today’s fragrant mistake was Balenciaga Paris. I retry it from time to time, because it got so many great reviews praising it as “quiet” and “elegant” when it was first released. Unfortunately, today it’s just as high-pitched as I remembered it.

Sunday, January 22nd: I begin work on the essay for my intersession class about the Fitzgeralds. I’m writing about Zelda Fitzgerald’s novel Save Me The Waltz, and the symbolism of its many mentions of eau de cologne. Save Me The Waltz is actually a highly fragrant novel; Zelda mentions Coty Jasmine, Coty L’Origan, and an unnamed Elizabeth Arden perfume. I am convinced that if she had been born a few decades later, Ms. Fitzgerald would have made a fantastic perfume blogger. Although a cologne would have made more sense, I wear the exuberant hazelnut fragrance Parfumerie Generale Aomassai to keep my spirits up while I read the Fitzgeralds (which is harder than it sounds, because man those two were depressing).

Drew wants to have dinner somewhere fancy for Restaurant Week, so we choose a place down in Mount Vernon with epic salted caramel brownies. I decide that this is the perfect occasion to debut an adorable new Rebecca Taylor dress. However, the truly unfortunate happens: the dress goes rogue. It fit fine when I bought it only a week earlier, but now the damn zipper keeps splitting.

After literally half an hour, the dress is finally fully zipped. I’m a little freaked out, to be honest. I have gained weight recently. Most of the time I feel okay about it, but discovering that a favorite piece of clothing is now too small can still be disheartening. However, I am determined not to let the self-doubt ruin our night. I put on one of my favorite Star Trek episodes, “A Piece Of The Action”, in which Kirk takes on a hilariously bad Chicago accent. Shatner’s voice quickly works its usual soothing magic. I soon feel comfortable enough to put on a red lipstick, spray on some Frederic Malle Lipstick Rose (the fanciest perfume I own), and relish my salted caramel brownie.

Someone apparently decided that Star Trek needed more pin stripes.

16 thoughts on “Diary of a Mad Perfume Blogger

  1. I’m so sad you don’t like Balenciaga Paris. I wish I knew what it smelled like to you b/c on me it’s all kinds of divine. Just a subtle slightly metallic violet. By perhaps subtle by my standards isn’t really that subtle.

    Also, I cannot express how much I love your kitteh. Are you sure she doesn’t have some snow Bengal mixed in w/ that Siamese?

      1. The fact that she climbs everything, bites you, and is now interested in the bathtub makes me thing she’s probably got some Bengal in her. They are manic cats. Very intelligent, but manic. The stripes on her face and legs also look like like a Bengal’s. What does her tail look like? Most Bengal or Bengal mixes look like the tip of their tail was dipped in ink.

        1. Yes, that’s exactly what her tail looks like. And “intelligent but manic” could not be a better description of her. I joke that with her around, both extremes of the ADHD spectrum are now represented in this house. Thank you for helping me learn more about Zelda!

  2. “A Piece of the Action” is my FAVORITE episode–may have to name my next pet Bela Oxmyx…

    Have you tried either of the Sonoma Scent Studio’s violet scents, Wood Violet or Voile de Violette? If not, I’ll send you some samples. I’m not a big violet person, but these are very nice, especially for spring.

    1. Suuuuch a good episode. The only thing that could make it better would be more McCoy screen time. I have never tried any SSS scents, thank you so much for the generous offer!

  3. Utterly hliarious post – orange bath water, predatory swimming suspected Bengalese-cross kitteh and all! : – )

    Speaking of Zelda’s heritage, you have reminded me of a blog post I did comparing different scents to different breeds / species of domestic and wild cats, with Floris Snow Rose as my starting point. Actually Snow Rose ended up as a bunny, but the other comparisons were with cats!

      1. It was brilliant – the diary is a sure fire winner!

        The Floris Snow Rose post was subtitled Spiky and Fluffy Scents Revisited, I think. All sprang originally from a realisation in the vet’s one day that Dawn Spencer Hurwitz’s initials were on Charlie Bonkers’ medical records (Domestic Short Hair).

  4. ‘The fry drama’, hahahaha! Typical scene…! 😉 Why men are so fucking egotistical?!!!!

    Lol! Balenciaga Paris in not that bad, isn’t it, you drama queen??!!
    I think you just took a dislike to it… bla bla bla…

    Oookay, Oookay…I believe it’s possibly just mediocre! – since it was launched I haven’t sampled again, that’s a sign –

    wow, Edgar Allan Poe coasters! … I wish I were there, having some drinks together!
    Happy to hear about the unallergy experiment! -crossing the fingers-

    What an INTERESTING essay, Ari…!!! Won’t you share it with us…?

  5. Zelda makes me laugh. I love the idea of her swimming around when you’re trying to take a bath. I’m a little bit late in replying, but my perfume diary has been rather static lately. The past few days I have been wearing L De Lolita Lempicka exclusively. I absolutely adore it. The cinnamon burst at the beginning is one of my favorite openings to a perfume and the vanilla dry down is sweet without being cloying. You’re right about it being a happy perfume. Even though I don’t find perfumes with vanilla-y notes to be happy, it definitely is. Thank you so much for recommending it to me, I’m enjoying it!

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