There are objectively bad perfumes. Oh yes there are, and no amount of Luca Turin’s impassioned defenses of Etat Libre d’Orange Secretions Magnifique can convince me otherwise. TokyoMilk Honey & The Moon is not an objectively bad perfume. In fact, Honey & The Moon is relatively popular among fumies, and has an almost unprecedented number of 5-star ratings on Makeup Alley. But it is unquestionably the worst perfume that I have ever smelled. Worse than that horrible Rihanna perfume. Worse than vintage perfumes that had obviously gone off decades ago. WORSE THAN AQUOLINA PINK SUGAR. You guys, I cannot even believe that I just typed those words.
I knew my experience with Honey & The Moon would be rather different from that of other fumies from the moment that I sprayed it on. The honey note was intensely, painfully sugary (and regular readers will recall that I wear some pretty damn sweet perfumes on the regular). But nothing could have prepared me for the monstrous transformation that Honey & the Moon underwent about five minutes in. This perfume became absolutely rancid. I don’t even know how to describe it to you, except to say that it smelled like something was rotting. I remember that Luca Turin’s review of Serge Lutens Miel de Bois explained that certain honey notes are often perceived as urinous by some people, so I suppose that’s what happened here, although I’ve never had that reaction to other perfumes with prominent honey notes.
So what are your subjectively bad perfumes? We’re not talking about the perfumes that pretty much everybody agrees are terrible. We’re not talking about widely beloved perfumes that you think are overhyped and just okay, either. We’re talking about widely beloved perfumes that smell straight-up horrible to you. Perfumes that you truly cannot imagine anyone actually enjoying. Have at it in the comments, y’all!