Okay, so maybe buying a massage bar for yourself when you have no one to massage is mildly pathetic. But why should all the single ladies have to miss out on a perfectly good coffee scent just because Lush decided to release it in massage bar form? That’s not what Beyonce fought for, y’all.
I’ve tried every coffee scent on the market, from Bond No. 9 New Haarlem to Jo Malone Black Vetyver Cafe to Montale Intense Cafe, in my quest for dark-roasted perfection. The search continues: despite being literally studded with coffee beans, Percup isn’t quite my holy grail coffee fragrance, either. But it does perfectly replicate the smell of stale coffee beans, a familiar, comforting scent for the over-caffeinated among us. Sadly, Percup’s scent disappears after only 20 minutes on the skin, and the massage bar is too large and heavy to make a properly portable solid perfume. I guess I’ll just have to find someone to massage me! Excuse me while I cry into my cat.