Chloe Love Story is more Katherine Heigl romcom than Casablanca. This skeletal, shrill orange blossom has all the depth and majesty of your five-day relationship with Max Heckelman in seventh grade. Despite the fact that you were obviously soul mates, you broke up because he chewed cinnamon gum and you chewed mint, just like the Montagues and the Capulets. (This is a completely real and very tragic breakup experienced by my middle school BFF Jenna.) Love Story is the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for that hopeless romantic who still believes that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are getting back together. Can’t wait for Love Story Absolu Fraiche Oud Noir Benedict Cumberbatch!