I stand before you today, living proof that there are some really, really dumb people at Johns Hopkins. I found a 3.4 bottle of Rochas Femme yesterday at Filene’s Basement for an incredible price, which I promptly snapped up. Femme is reputed to be the ultimate in perfume seduction, with that shapely bottle inspired by Mae West’s curves. It also, somewhat surprisingly, is said to be one of the perfumes worn by my style icon, Audrey Hepburn. The notes are peach, plum, sandalwood, rosewood, lemon, rose, jasmine, oakmoss, patchouli, musk, amber, civet, and leather, according to http://www.basenotes.net.

Well, I enthusiastically hosed my wrist down with Femme, waited for an hour, and… was massively disappointed. Sure, it was pleasant, this blend of jasmine and sandalwood, but it wasn’t sex-in-a-bottle, and it reminded me quite a bit of Lanvin Arpege. I returned it. Cut to several hours later. To my shock and dismay, a stunning blend of peaches, plums, and a beautiful lemon note is currently taunting me from my wrist. I did not get any of the “indian food” (cumin) note that was added after Femme was reformulated. It was terribly feminine and did indeed feel very Audrey.

Oh, Femme. Why was I so quick to judge you? I should have known that a scent beloved by Audrey Hepburn would never reveal everything upfront. Now, I still don’t think that Femme is sex-in-a-bottle, but it smells bloody fantastic. Femme has been discontinued for a while, but can be found at discounters like Filene’s, Loehmanns, TJ Maxx, and Marshalls, or at online discounters.

Disclaimer: I very briefly owned a bottle of Femme.