We Got a Situation Here

Nothing makes me prouder to be Italian than MTV’s “Jersey Shore.” Obviously I relate most to the delightfully trashy Snooki, who at 4’9″ resembles nothing more than the sluttiest oompa-loompa in the chocolate factory, but for pure comedic value nothing beats The Situation. I’m referring to Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, who over the course of the show produced such gems as “I’m like, chill out, Freckles Mcgee” and “From now on, you are excluded from dinner. You are excluded from surf-and-turf night. You are excluded from ravioli night. You are excluded from chicken cutlet night.”

I love The Situation because he is a perfect example of the powers of self-delusion. Despite his legendary six-pack (“The Situation” actually comes from the nickname he gave his abs), Mike is really almost comically unattractive. Nevertheless, The Situation believes in himself with a force that I can only describe as admirable. “Everyone loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.” You tell ’em, Mike. I also enjoy that he bends traditional gender roles- Mike does all the cooking on the show.

Anyway, The Situation was overheard by CocoPerez (http://cocoperez.com/page/14/) boasting to J Woww about his new cologne, allegedly named “The Sitch.” You guys, no one is more delighted than me by this news. I will buy “The Sitch” by the gallon. Can we take bets on the notes? I predict a Mystic Tan accord. Do steroids have a smell? If they do, that’s in there for sure. Perhaps a pickle note in a sweet nod to that hot-tub hookup with Snooki?

Snooki sure does love those pickles.