I’m Bringing Sexy Back/Ungaro Diva

… And by “sexy”, I mean “this blog”. Hello my beloved readers! Academic issues kept me away from SOS for a little while, but like Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain, I just don’t know how to quit you. Or, in the words of Enrique Iglesias, you can run, you can hide, but you can’t escape my love. Has anyone else noticed that Enrique seems just a little less sexy (and more than a little less successful) ever since he had the surgery to remove his trademark mole? I mean, I understand that it was potentially precancerous and all, but it was just so beautiful. He was the Cindy Crawford of Latin music.

Why yes, you can be my hero, baby.

Today’s perfume is Ungaro Diva, which I found for the unbelievable price of $9 at Filene’s Basement. Diva was created in 1983 by Jacques Polge, one year after his Chanel Coco hit the market. Diva could definitely pass for Coco’s little sister, but to my nose it lacks much of Coco’s class and good manners. Diva is LOUD, brash, and brassy. Very ’80s. This is not to say that it doesn’t smell great, because it does- it’s a lovely rose chypre with jasmine and a strong honey note. Diva is reputedly worn by Sophia Loren, but I personally feel that it has more in common with a rather different Italian icon. I speak, of course, of Jersey Shore’s J-Woww.

When J-Woww appears on the TV screen, you know that one of three things is about to happen:

  1. Someone will get punched in the face and/or have their extensions pulled out.
  2. J-Woww will leave the club early because she “felt like eating ham”.
  3. DJ Pauly D will reveal that he has a pierced penis.

One of the three. Non-Jersey Shore lovers will just have to believe me when I tell you that J-Woww is an awful lot of fun, and terrifically trashy in the best possible way. She wouldn’t be caught dead in Coco, but Diva could be just right. (If you wear and love Diva, please know that I mean this as the highest compliment.)

We Got a Situation Here

Nothing makes me prouder to be Italian than MTV’s “Jersey Shore.” Obviously I relate most to the delightfully trashy Snooki, who at 4’9″ resembles nothing more than the sluttiest oompa-loompa in the chocolate factory, but for pure comedic value nothing beats The Situation. I’m referring to Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, who over the course of the show produced such gems as “I’m like, chill out, Freckles Mcgee” and “From now on, you are excluded from dinner. You are excluded from surf-and-turf night. You are excluded from ravioli night. You are excluded from chicken cutlet night.”

I love The Situation because he is a perfect example of the powers of self-delusion. Despite his legendary six-pack (“The Situation” actually comes from the nickname he gave his abs), Mike is really almost comically unattractive. Nevertheless, The Situation believes in himself with a force that I can only describe as admirable. “Everyone loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.” You tell ’em, Mike. I also enjoy that he bends traditional gender roles- Mike does all the cooking on the show.

Anyway, The Situation was overheard by CocoPerez (http://cocoperez.com/page/14/) boasting to J Woww about his new cologne, allegedly named “The Sitch.” You guys, no one is more delighted than me by this news. I will buy “The Sitch” by the gallon. Can we take bets on the notes? I predict a Mystic Tan accord. Do steroids have a smell? If they do, that’s in there for sure. Perhaps a pickle note in a sweet nod to that hot-tub hookup with Snooki?

Snooki sure does love those pickles.