Dolce & Gabbana L’Eau The One

Let’s start with the good. First, L’Eau The One comes in a lovely, elegant bottle. Second, these are seriously some of the most stunning ads I have seen for a fragrance in a long, long time. Scarlett Johansson’s luscious sensuality definitively proves the utter idiocy of the fashion industry’s current efforts to turn “curvy” into a backhanded compliment.

On that subject, Scarlett, honey, I know that your recent weight loss was allegedly for your role in Iron Man 2, but quite frankly it depresses the hell out of me. Of course it’s not your responsibility to be the patron saint of women above size quadruple zero or anything like that, but the number of actresses who dare to challenge the “only skinny can be sexy” dogma is, well, growing thin. Kim Kardashian can’t hold down the fort forever.

Who are you and what have you done with Scarlett Johansson?

Now, the bad. I am sorry to report that the scent itself is far less impressive than its glamorous ads. The official notes, from Sephora’s website, are bergamot, mandarin, lychee, peach, plum, floral muguet, jasmine, madonna lily, amber, musk, moss, vanilla and vetiver. I detect very few of these notes, with lychee being the most prominent. This is a screechy fruity-floral, and one of the most synthetic-smelling perfumes I’ve ever encountered.

I cannot imagine that the glorious Scarlett would ever actually wear such a decidedly unsensual fragrance. L’Eau The One suffers from the same issue as those shrill fashion folk: it is unappealingly thin. I’m still waiting for the day that the fabulously lascivious aesthetic that defines Dolce & Gabbana’s clothing actually makes an appearance in one of their fragrances.