Scented Smile: Lush Toothy Tabs Edition

Direct quote from my last dentist’s appointment: “You have very good teeth.” Immediately followed by, “You also have three cavities.” Three mysterious, inexplicable cavities that are definitely not related to my Nerds habit. I promise I brush my teeth, you guys. But if we’re baring our toothy souls here, it’s probably not for the full 2 minutes every time. It’s horrifying and shameful, but brushing my teeth is just so boring. I am fully prepared to welcome our inevitable robot overlords as long as they’ll brush my teeth for me.

It turns out that dentists are not particularly interested in hearing about how clean my teeth would be if the Singularity would just hurry up and happen already. So in the meantime, I have to make brushing my teeth interesting enough to prevent another three cavities. And what better way for a fragonerd to spice up her routine than fragranced toothpastes?

Toothy Tabs are exactly the kind of delightfully bizarre product I would expect from Lush, the company that brought us Play-Doh soap. They’re basically flavored pills of baking soda; you chew one, the water from your toothbrush makes them foam, and then you spit. Lush’s website warns you to “spit, not swallow”, and I concur. I took one for the team and swallowed, and the baking soda-y aftertaste was indeed unpleasant. I do it for you, people.

I tried two different Toothy Tabs: Aquatic (lime, jasmine, and earl grey) and Breath of God (sandalwood, benzoin, myrrh, and fennel). I tested Aquatic first. The name and the notes led me to expect a refreshing, gourmet cocktail kind of taste. Unfortunately, Aquatic uses the same jasmine oil as my least favorite Lush fragrance, the overwhelmingly heady Lust. If you can imagine a bottle of Jean Patou Joy poured into a cup of Earl Grey, you’d probably be pretty close to the taste. I did not last the full two minutes.

Breath of God, however, was a fascinating experience. Two minutes felt like barely enough time to explore all of the layers of flavor in here. I’ve really only ever used mint-flavored toothpaste, so the slight sweetness of Breath of God’s sandalwood powder took me by complete surprise. I’m pretty sure that this is about as exciting as toothpaste gets.

With both flavors, the chunks of the tab give you a pretty gritty, physical brushing. So my teeth feel especially clean after using them, although I have no idea whether they really are. I also like the fact that the Toothy Tabs packaging is recyclable, so I don’t have to feel like I’m personally executing a polar bear every time I throw out a non-recyclable tube.

Two tubes of Marvis Licorice and Jasmine Mint are on their way from Amazon. I’m really curious how those more conventional toothpastes will compare to the Toothy Tabs. I’ll report back in a future edition of fragrant dental hygiene!

Disclaimers: This post is not sponsored and does not contain affiliate links. All products featured are my own purchases. Brush your teeth, kids.

Perfumes for Hella Cold Beaches

I always knew that cold beaches existed, of course. I guess I just preferred to think of them as an unpleasant urban legend, like bonsai kittens or Chris Hemsworth’s marriage.

They're so cute together, too. YOU'RE KILLING ME, CHRIS.
They’re so cute together, too. YOU’RE KILLING ME, CHRIS.

That urban legend became cruel reality this past weekend, when my family moved University of San Francisco’s newest freshman into the dorms.

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Now, my grandparents live in Orange County. I’ve spent 23 Chanukahs in California. I was pretty sure that California and I had an understanding, the understanding being that California is supposed to be warm. San Francisco is apparently not aware that it is part of California. I DID NOT LEAVE THE EAST COAST FOR 59°, SAN FRANCISCO.

Needless to say, San Francisco’s idea of a beach involves fog, wind, and shivering. We’re talking two sweatshirts, minimum; don’t even think about packing a bikini. So what do you spray on those two sweatshirts? A blog post is born! Allow me to recommend a few fragrances for un-beachy beaches.

Embrace The Cold

CB I Hate Perfume Mr. Hulot’s Holiday. Mr. Hulot’s Holiday was filmed in Saint-Nazarene, a French town on the chilly Atlantic coast of Brittany. Fittingly, the film’s namesake fragrance opts for a salty slap of seawater instead of the typical sunscreen note.

Gorilla Perfumes Furze. Furze, also known as gorse, are sweetly fragrant evergreens. Their bright yellow bushes bloom even during those legendary British winters.

Luckyscent Decennial Lys du Desert. A deliciously warm ambergris fragrance to counter the extreme cold of desert nights. Deserts are pretty much beaches, what with all the sand, right? Right.

In Denial

Kai. A few dabs of Kai transforms even the most subpar beach into Malibu. Cloudy skies? Cold sand? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over all this gardenia.

Smell Bent St. Tropez Dispenser. The notes come straight from your beach bag: a streak of sunscreen, coconut from your beachside piña colada, and a little aloe vera for the inevitable sunburn.

Estee Lauder Azuree Soleil. Literal liquid sunshine. The dearly departed Azuree Soleil was the perfect blend of fresh coconut milk and tropical gardenias. Reincarnated every summer as Estee Lauder Bronze Goddess, but I still love the original best.

Do you have a favorite beach fragrance? Please feel free to share it with us in the comments!

Disclaimers: This post does not contain affiliate links. All fragrances pictured are my own purchases, much to my wallet’s dismay. Sand dollar comes straight from a San Francisco “beach”. 

Lush Percup Massage Bar

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Okay, so maybe buying a massage bar for yourself when you have no one to massage is mildly pathetic. But why should all the single ladies have to miss out on a perfectly good coffee scent just because Lush decided to release it in massage bar form? That’s not what Beyonce fought for, y’all.

Oh-oh-oh!
Oh-oh-oh!

I’ve tried every coffee scent on the market, from Bond No. 9 New Haarlem to Jo Malone Black Vetyver Cafe to Montale Intense Cafe, in my quest for dark-roasted perfection. The search continues: despite being literally studded with coffee beans, Percup isn’t quite my holy grail coffee fragrance, either. But it does perfectly replicate the smell of stale coffee beans, a familiar, comforting scent for the over-caffeinated among us. Sadly, Percup’s scent disappears after only 20 minutes on the skin, and the massage bar is too large and heavy to make a properly portable solid perfume. I guess I’ll just have to find someone to massage me! Excuse me while I cry into my cat.

Dailies 08/05/14

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Daily Fragrance: Serge Lutens L’Orpheline. I don’t like this. It’s very quiet, and the lavender note smells like old-fashioned men’s shaving cream. It’s more interesting than the last Serge, Vierge de Fer, but less pleasant. Full review forthcoming.

Daily Soap: Lush Shark Fin Soap. Shark Fin Soap is exactly the kind of product that makes me such a huge Lush fan. 100% of the selling price of this achingly adorable soap goes to the United Conversationists Fin Free Campaign. You get to play Sharknado in the bathtub, sharks get to keep their fins. Everybody wins!

Except for Tara Reid and her shark-hand, or lack thereof.
Except for Tara Reid, who bravely sacrifices her hand to the Sharknado. Moment of silence, people.

Daily Nails: TonyMoly TonyNail Trendy Mellow Mint. Behold TonyMoly‘s genius: $3 mini bottles of bright, trendy colors, so you can try out a trend without splurging. You’ll need three coats, but the formula has no particular issues otherwise. TonyMoly just opened their first U.S. boutique in Midtown. I hear they are extremely nice to people who spill half a bottle of bright pink nail polish on themselves and the floor.

Please feel free to share your own dailies!

Disclaimer: This post does not contain affiliate links. All products featured in this post are my own purchases, much to my wallet’s dismay. L’Orpheline sample provided by Twisted Lily upon request.  

Dailies 07/30/14

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Daily Fragrance: Chanel No. 5 Eau de Cologne. My brother is having an MRI today. I prepared myself by watching Lilo and Stitch and crying a lot. I chose Chanel No. 5 to help me tap into my inner stiff-upper-lip WASP. That sharp blast of aldehydes in the opening is instantly comforting.

Daily Shower Product: Lush Happy Hippy Shower Gel. The shower gels are my favorite Lush product, and I have a lot of favorite Lush products. Caramel-y It’s Raining Men is my #1, but the scents are excellent across the board. Happy Hippy is one of the simpler scents, a hardcore, photorealistic grapefruit.

Daily Recipe: Korean-American Everyday Cooking Bulgogi. Why aren’t there more graphic novel cookbooks? I found this little guy for $4 at MOCCA Fest (Museum of Comics and Cartoon Art). Easy, savory Korean comfort food, with adorable illustrations and occasional cat appearances.

Please feel free to share your own dailies (and to use your own categories!)