Marc Jacobs Honey

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Look, Marc, I totally get it. Between releasing your new makeup line, designing for Louis Vuitton and your own lines, and being JACKED AS ALL GET OUT, you must be awfully busy. Way too busy to, oh, I don’t know, pay much attention to your fragrance line.

SEE WHAT I MEAN Y'ALL
SEE WHAT I MEAN Y’ALL

Marc Jacobs Honey is a fresh floral that smells more than a little like shampoo. Bizarrely and disappointingly, it at no point smells like honey. I like it better than last year’s Marc Jacobs Dot, which was a fruit punch floral, but leagues less than Marc Jacobs’ first fragrance. Honey is pleasant enough and only a little shrill, but it is also completely devoid of character. If you had told me that this was a Bath and Body Works scent, I would totally have believed you.

You know, great perfumes tend to say something about their wearer. Frederic Malle Musc Ravageur says, “I’m definitely getting some tonight.” Robert Piguet Bandit says, “I might as well be wielding an axe.” Marc Jacobs Honey says, “We can put literally anything in this bottle and it’ll sell anyway because the bottle is cute and it says ‘Marc Jacobs’.”

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Chanel Beige

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Beige has an (undeserved, I maintain) reputation for being the weakest of the Chanel Les Exclusifs line. Luca Turin called it “a total screwup” and declared that “it smells like a dated, dismal average of Ma Griffe, L’Air du Tempts, and Climat.” (It smells like none of these things. Like, at all.) Beige is also often denigrated as shampoo-like, which, well, if your shampoo smells like this, I want the name. To me, Beige is a luscious tropical white floral, like a smoother version of my beloved Kai or a less aquatic take on the original Marc Jacobs perfume. Beige is probably the most accessible of the Les Exclusifs- no prickly aldehydes or austere iris, just creamy white petals. It is sweet and lovely and wholly unobjectionable. Beige may not be the most unique perfume on the block, but it smells great, and at the end of the day, isn’t that the point of perfume? (Now, would I pay Chanel prices for it? Not while Kai is only $48.)