Enrichment and Elimination

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Kitty separation anxiety: so much less cute than it sounds. I’m working in the Nordstrom fragrance department over the holidays to study the DC perfume shopper, and my unpredictable retail schedule is freaking Zelda out. She cuddles now, you guys. Cuddles! The minute I walk through the door, she plants herself on my collarbone and demands ear scratches. She sleeps by my feet! And only bites them once or twice! Significantly less adorable is her newfound tendency to, as the cat separation anxiety websites euphemistically put it, “eliminate outside of the litter box”. When “eliminating” on the floor three times failed to stop me from leaving the house, the fuzzy little terrorist went for the duvet.

Dr. Google’s recommendations range from kitty prozac (what’s that saying about pets starting to resemble their owners?) to various methods of making Zelda’s environment more stimulating. So far I’ve brought in a cat tower, which she completely ignores, and downloaded some cat-enriching videos. (“Duck Rush Hour” is pretty much cat Game of Thrones.) Then I remembered a favorite Now Smell This post about zookeepers using Calvin Klein Obsession as “enrichment” to keep their tigers mentally stimulated. Inspired, I sprayed four of my most intriguing perfumes and attempted to enrich the elimination away. In the name of science, and an unshat duvet, I present my findings.

Chanel No. 5: Zero sniffing, and Zelda pulled back her head when I moved the paper closer to her. I have raised a deeply uncultured kitteh.
L’Artisan Dzing!: Faint interest. Some sniffing, and one paw at the piece of paper. Zelda has clearly never read the dozens of Dzing! reviews describing it as “animalic”.
CB I Hate Perfume Burning Leaves: Intense interest! A good fifteen seconds of sniffing, followed by multiple paws at the paper. My hypothesis: Burning Leaves has a salty, meaty aspect that appeals to carnivores.

Displaying the highest contempt for the scientific process, Zelda wandered off before I could test the last fragrance, Gorilla Perfumes The Smell of Weather Turning.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the commission. I’ll expect my research grant shortly.

Notes on method: I sprayed the fragrances on four identical pieces of paper to prevent Zelda from being influenced by packaging. This would have been a lot more impressive if I had remembered to include a control. 

The Savings Poll

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Last week, we all confessed our perfume sins in the quarterly Now Smell This Damage Poll. I don’t know about y’all, but I’ve been feeling the need for some moral high ground ever since. So I propose a Damage Poll spin-off: the Savings Poll! Now that we’ve done our perfume penance, let’s applaud ourselves for all the times that we desperately wanted to buy a perfume and then totally didn’t. Brag to us about your unshakeable restraint in the face of irresistible perfumes or prices! I’ll go first:

L’Artisan Parfumeur Safran Troublant ($140)

L’Artisan Parfumeur Bois Farine ($140)

L’Artisan Parfumeur Poivre Piquant ($140)

The moment I saw my three favorite L’Artisans in the “last chance to buy” section of the L’Artisan website, I started saving up for backup bottles. I decided to hold off after noticing that L’Artisan mysteriously transferred them into a new category called “Les Exclusifs” a few weeks later. My perfume paranoia will probably win out eventually, but for now, I’ve saved a grand total of $420! That’s 1.15 Diane von Furstenberg wrap dresses! 2.04 Serge Lutens bell jars! 42 Tupac bobble heads!

Your turn! Tupac bobble heads are $9.99, just in case you need the conversion rate.

Just kidding, y'all. We all know that Tupac bobble heads are PRICELESS.
Just kidding, y’all. We all know that Tupac bobble heads are PRICELESS.