Aquolina Pink Sugar Sensual

Okay, let’s just get this out of the way: this perfume represents everything that’s currently wrong with America. And by everything, I mean “the incredible pressure for girls to be sexual beings at an increasingly younger age.”

Despite that klassy ad above, featuring a scantily clad woman and a bottle of champagne, Pink Sugar’s demographic is middle school-aged girls. Older women might indeed wear Pink Sugar, but Aquolina’s low prices suggest that they are angling for young girls looking to spend their allowance. So now I ask you: do we really want a 12, 13, 14 year old girl to be “sensual”? Because I’m pretty sure we’ve seen this movie, it’s called Lolita, and it’s all fun and games before your mother dies and Humbert Humbert tries to roofie you.

Oh, and then you die giving birth to a stillborn child on Christmas Day at the age of 17. Merry Christmas!

“But Ari,” I hear you asking, “What about young girls who are naturally sexually precocious?” Well, I believe that many of the things that we consider to be “natural” are actually the result of rather insidious societal socialization. Things don’t happen in a vacuum these days. Why would such a young girl behave in a sexual manner? Perhaps it is indeed “natural”, or perhaps she caught on early that our society generally values a woman’s sexuality more than her intellect or character. It’s far easier, and often more rewarding, to be a Kim Kardashian than a Gloria Steinem.

Remember when Jessica Simpson kept trying to tell us that the whole dumb blonde shtick was just an act, and she was actually very intelligent? Maybe she is! But we’ll never know, because our society simply does not care. We’re much more concerned with how poor Jessica is becoming a Fatty McChub-Chub, because GOD FORBID that she be anything less than sizzlingly sexy 24/7. If she ceases to be a sex symbol, then we might have to define her by something other than how hot she is! THE HORROR!!!!!

Also, y’all are smoking some prescription-strength crack. THERE IS NO FAT ON THIS WOMAN’S BODY. YOU ROCK THOSE MOM JEANS, J. SIMP.

So does Pink Sugar Sensual live up to the name? Well, it’s the same Pink Sugar that we all know and love, now featuring fruity notes! I guess it’s supposed to evoke that “be fruitful and multiply” school of sensuality? I don’t even know, y’all. We’ve got some tangerine up in here, a little bergamot, and that damn licorice again. It’s a generic little thing of little significance- much like women in our society! Zinnnnng! Well, time for me to go make my man a sandwich. Hey, how did this computer get in the kitchen?

Disclaimer: I sampled Pink Sugar Sensual at Nordstrom. Aquolina Pink Sugar Sensual is available at Nordstrom and Sephora.