Sexy Times, Part 6: Tom Ford Black Orchid

This was supposed to be a very snarky review. I was going to talk about how Tom Ford, former designer for Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent, is the ultimate example of all style, no substance, and how if you look in the dictionary under “weirdly inappropriate” you will probably find a picture of Tom Ford, and also how he probably smells pretty bad since he’s admitted in interviews that he loves the smell of body odor. Tom Ford often reminds me of the sleazy uncle who you pray won’t try to grope you at Christmas dinner. And who can forget his infamous Vanity Fair cover? Poor, poor Keira Knightley, is what I’m trying to say.

For the love of God, Tom, please release her ear from your mouth.

However, instead of snark, this review will be offering a great deal of praise to Uncle Tom. You see, I am the kind of girl who carries around a copy of “The Bombshell Manual of Style” in an oversized pink purse wherever I go. I am constantly lamenting the loss of the ’40s and ’50s Hollywood bombshells. Little did I know that Tom Ford was vigorously nodding along to my Hollywood bombshell-related ranting the entire time.

Black Orchid, released in 2006, is the closest thing to old-Hollywood glamour that the mainstream fragrance market is ever gonna produce. Black Orchid opens with dark chocolate and some heady, earthy notes that I can’t quite put my finger on. There is gardenia and jasmine, in the tradition of the great bombshell scents of the past. Eventually a particularly smooth vanilla note and a little incense joins the fray. The first thirty minutes are the most exciting part about Black Orchid, but it remains highly sniffable until the very end.

In a field of ultra-light, “are you even wearing perfume?” type scents, Black Orchid is refreshingly strong. Black Orchid is not the shy, retiring wallflower in the corner, nor is she the loud, drunken chick dancing on the table. She is probably sitting by the fireplace, immaculately clothed in a fitted black dress, laughing with the group of men already under her spell. I find Black Orchid to be incredibly sensual, and I’m dying to have that stylish black bottle on my nightstand.

Disclaimer: An SA from Nordstrom gave me a sample of Black Orchid.